30% Tip for Bad Service?

Hi everyone! I know I know, I'm awful at keeping this updated. But just to fill you in, my father is church planting (starting a new church) in an area where there are no current churches. It's really exciting.

 There are many different models of church planting and one that my dad was considering is called Soma. I don't blame you if you haven't heard of it. I didn't either. Basically it's a structure of certain ideals. You can look it up here if you're interested: http://www.somacommunities.org/

Anyways, when my family took a road trip we listened to these soma tapes (guys talking about their model). One thing struck me more deeply than anything. One guy said, "You know I went to a restaurant once and I heard a waiter say 'I hate working sundays. The people coming out of churches (this was a restaurant that many in the church went to after going to the morning service) are the worst tippers' and I felt this was awful. I guess I came home one day and I felt totally convicted. I mean Jesus lavishes on grace upon grace on us."

 He then went on to say the most radical words I had heard in a while, "One day I got a waiter who was giving bad service. I was about to get out my cheque book and write a small tip. But then I realized, Jesus doesn't give us what we deserve. If we got what we deserved, we would all be dead. Jesus never would have died for us to take away our sin. So I decided that I should demonstrate this sacrifice in a tangible way to this waiter who could very well be a non-christian. I decided to give them 30%."

This became a habit of this guy and waiters and waitresses would say, "Not that I'm complaining, but why are you tipping me so much. I know my service wasn't great." That would lead to opening doors to relationships as well as evangelism (both of them). And sometimes waiters and waitresses would admit that they were having terrible awful days and that was exactly what they needed. That their service had been bad that day because they were afflicted with other issues.

Why am I saying all of this? to sell you on soma? No. Soma is very interesting, but that's your choice. I do, however, think that we are called to serve our community. We are called to love them regardless of their performance and to show tangible acts of service like Jesus did in his day. Some of you might not have the means to pay a 30% tip. That's fine. I don't think the money is important. I think it's the heart. Whether we smile at someone, compliment them, ask someone how they're really doing, babysit a neighbour's child when they're below the poverty line, or pay for someone's coffee at tim Hortons or Starbucks I think it's great. I think we need to realize that people are image bearers of God...and yes they have messed up, but God still loves them despite their performance. And we ought to too.

the true meaning of Christmas

Let me start off by saying what this blog is not about. This blog post is not about bashing christmas presents. This blog is more about giving praise where it is due and not letting idolatry rule over the season. Now, if you're like me, you might say "I ask people to donate to charity during Christmas. I don't struggle in this area or with materialism at all" and skip this. I have two things to say:

1) You can idolize other things including family relationships over Jesus during Christmas.

2) I am only "unmateralistic" by the richer people's standards. Yet I was all upset lately that I have never gotten the opportunity to paint my room and people from richer societies symphaize as if I am saying i have a deadly disease. "that's awful!" "that must be so hard". Meanwhile, some people from other cultures and/or backgrounds look at me and say "really? you're complaining about that?". I think it's more of an idol than i'm even aware of...

I need to start off by telling you a seemingly unrelated story. A while back I was dating this guy. And he was a good guy..I mean in itself there was nothing wrong with our relationship. the problem was I idolized him. At the time I had NO idea that i was doing this. For instance, I felt a calling from God into missionary work before we got into a relationship. As we got more serious, I started to justify why missionary work was not right for me (because this guy did not feel called into missionary work). I didn't say "I don't want to be a missionary because i want to have this guy in my life instead of listening to you God". That would be absurd to say! Instead I would say "God...I think I misheard what you were trying to say. I can have a ton of impact on people locally. I mean surely you're not truly calling me to missionary work".

When did i start to realize that he was an idol I had? Well, we broke up and I knew that it was a permanent split up. All of a sudden....I had NO CLUE what my purpose would be! I felt empty! I couldn't sleep or eat and I almost missed out on going on a short term missionary trip because my mental health was affecting me physically. The funny thing is, even amongst this withdrawal, I still had NO IDEA that this was a result of idolization. "It's normal", I would tell myself, "it's in movies and love stories and it's how i'm supposed to feel". It was not until a while later (the mission's trip really helped...getting away from it all) when I had distanced myself from the idol for considerable time, that I realized...yeah it was a problem. I mean he was a perfectly okay guy..the problem was not who I chose to date (that made it so unpleasing before God), but rather that I placed him above God.

See, I don't think I'm removed enough from the materialism of culture to know whether or not I have an idol. I don't feel comfortable speaking about my own idolization of stuff or people around Christmas time. I think I do have idols, but I probably don't even know the extent of it. I mean, okay, I've gone to one short term mission's trip (so far). And it changed my life and my perspective. But.....I mean....it was still two weeks long (and that was two years ago). So all though it might have helped, I feel that it was probably only the tip of the iceberg.

So what am I trying to say here?

1) that we do have to seriously look at our own hearts...we should not just rule out the possibility of an idol because we often try to justify our idols.

2) we often have to distance ourselves from our idols before we really start to grasp our own actions.

How does this affect us? Well of course, you know I would recommend carefully considering a short term mission's trip (because for everyone who says they are not cost effective, they still provide a chance for you to get a new perspective, even if you are not called to full time missionary work...and if 3,000 gets you a new radical perspective or helps you even begin to diminish an idol it is worth every penny) or helping people who don't have materialistic things (to help us get a new perspective on materialism) within our own culture. However, beyond that I think we need to be prayerfully listening to God and guarding against excuses. I have a couple of friends who i will occasionally bounce stuff off of "I feel God is calling me to do ________" and explain the sensation and how i derived to this conclusion. They a) make sure that it lines up with biblical principals b) help me determine my motives of my heart which confirms or rejects whether it's God (they are my close friends and will prayerfully ask for direction in this area) and c) if i start making excuses when we KNOW it is God, they will challenge me.

This has always been a powerful video to help me think about Christmas time and what it should be about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IN0W3gjnNE

I am not saying that spending money is wrong. But that primarily, we should be focused on Jesus being born! We should be focused on what he wants on this birthday celebration which is the giving of our hearts and the giving of money towards the poor and the hurting. Can we celebrate with material things for ourselves and loved ones and send out christmas lists? of course! but they should never be MORE important than God! especially not on his birthday.

if your like me, you're going to have a hard time even recognizing your idols when your up close to them. I am like that with so many idols in my life-- i don't realize they're an idol until I have too/end up going without it. When people challenge me to spend a month off of the computer..I struggle with it a lot more than I should...that is just ONE of the many examples i have. so I would challenge you to try to read the Bible more, focus on Jesus more (is it just me or do i find it easier to have idols around Christmas?) and try to enjoy the things that really matter to him.

one thing i tried when i was younger, was to look at the bible and evaluate what it said was important around christmas time...consumerism jumped out as something that Jesus didn't really find all that much value in. So one Christmas I gave a Christmas list full of things for other people....I purposely distanced myself JUST A LITTLE from the potential idol. I know I still do not see it clearly, but I did realize just how attached I was to STUFF! I would also challenge you to start thinking of potential idols....especially idols that you can get rid of (if you idolize family it is harder to deal with because you have to still keep your family relationships...certainly that would be preferred...you just have to figure out how to put God first). but with idols like stuff or approval or money or fame, a gadget or something...I would encourage you to try and distance yourself slightly from one of those that you think MIGHT be a potential idol in your life. You may be surprised what the distance allows you to see.

Accountability (and my view on arranged marriages)

Okay i used to be dead set on the idea of arranged marraiges being bad (and I am not saying they are the only way, but i do realize they have pros and cons now just like the western dating system) ....further more i thought it was totally unessicary to be accountable for your relationships...to trust VERY seclect other people more than yourself. but here's a few things we need to realize:

1) first of all dating relationships totally blind us (and we are blind to our own sin already). I want to be a missionary one day, but i've liked guys who have no interest in being a missionary. I often say "But....but....it'll work out...we'll figure it out and one day it'd be so cool...maybe we could figure it out and go half time...half the time in canada, half in a country". There have totally been moments where if one asked me out, I'd probably would have said yes. FYI Christy....If i want to be in India, Romania, Zambia or other places and he wants to live in Canada....well guess what...we're not going to have a happy marraige...further more compromising on the calling i feel God has given me is totally wrong. But i'd justify it... "No no, it'll totally work out.. wouldn't it be great if we ended up together". I see so many people i've closely known make this mistake: they justify what dosen't make sense (and I do this all the time) because they are not objective enough. They want to be blind to the truth because it makes them feel right and happy and they want it to work out. But we need someone who knows us, knows our strengths and weaknesses and life goals, has great ethics and someone who we trust to say "um...actually, your relationship isn't good because of this and this." If my parents were to give me an arranged marraige, i think they would choose a better person than i would choose for myself. Because they are more objective, less blind to things, and could see things that go beyond fleeting feelings and infactuation. but if we don't go for arranged marraiges, we must have people holding us accountable or we will be most likely very blind to obvious warning signs. This is true in most things in life. We don't see our own shortcomings. That's why the Bible says in Ephesians 4:25 "therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbour, for we are members of one another".

2) Physical stuff (before i begin, for nonChristians there are still reasons to wait....i've heard non christians who have gotten married and wished they had saved themselves for someone who really mattered, and divorce rates are lower for those wo do wait) : so first of all sex before marraige,, everyone kinda aknowledges that this is biblically incorrect. but....the bible clearly says in Matthew 5:28 that any man who looks lustfully at a woman has comitted adultry in his heart. Okay...i think it's hard enough to stay pure (especially for guys from what i hear-which is also why this statement was said to males..) in thought OUTSIDE of dating relationships. But dating makes us that much more vunerable to that temptation! So accountability is 100% nessicary in this area- dating wasn't around in Jesus' time all that much and i think they were lucky in that we've heaved so much temptation onto our own lives. So be accountable...have a couple people who you do talk too...I started this thing back when i was in a relationship with a guy where i write down letters to my future husband every day. I actually described every time i felt i had sinned in this area...that in itself held me accountable because i didn't want to write it and have to have the poor guy read it one day. I want to give my future husband all of me.

3) Breakups....(sighs) comes with it's own form of accountability. Let me start off by saying that i don't think it's the way God intended us to be. There is no verse saying this because in Jesus' day and in his culture dating didn't really occur, so though i cannot say it is flat out wrong i still don't think it's ideal based on biblical concepts. So often God talks about us being the body of Christ, reconciliation, and growing deeper in our relationships with other Christians. Breaking up kinda feels like the opposite: it's so easy to create divisions, friendships are lost, and it is a huge temptation to be bitter at times. i'm not saying that you should stay in unhealthy realtionships....it is still better to break up before marriage than after. but please realize that breakups have the power to hurt us profoundly because they rip relationships, friendships apart...and you might say "nah i'm still friends with my ex" but really, if you had a deep romantic relationship, than your friendship probably changed if it's going to be a permanent breakup- it should change because your not dating anymore. I mean why breakup if your relationship isn't going to change?? Instead of being unified through Christ, we distance ourselves from that person. We decide a problem is too big to completely reconcile. So a) I don't think it's as God intention- the fact that everyone feels the scars and it feels so wrong. We were made to do reconciliation. That's why breakups are so hard. We want to just fix it and not distance ourselves- we were made to get closer to people continually in a deeper way, not distance ourselves from the people we care most about. though it is a better option than marrying the wrong person, I just don't think our system of dating...which kinda forces breakups (the majority of people do breakup at least a couple of times)...is 100% perfect b) we must keep ourselves accountable against bitterness in these situations!

4) Dating encourages us to look to our feelings instead of truths and real love. Guess what? feelings change. one day i feel happy, the next sad. one day i feel excited, the next bored. Love is more than a feeling and if you believe differently none of your relationships will last forever- certainly a marriage won't. John 15:13 says "greater love has no one than this: that he would lay his life down for his friend" That is no feeling! 1st corinthians famous love passage says "Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, and always perserveres" Whoa! personally I'd be way more impressed by a guy who truly loves me: who's not self seeking- by a man who would lay down my life for me and i would do the same for him- than a guy who gives me flowers calls me pretty and wants to marry me because "it feels right". I think this is the reason why our divorce rate is so high. "BUT CHRISTY CHRISTY! I'm DATING BUT LOOKING FOR TRUE SACRIFICIAL LOVE..IT"S POSSIBLE" Good on you, I agree it is possible! You are wise if you manage to look for a deep love like this....and you have managed to fight out a culture telling you that a huge wedding, a more extravagant engagement ring, more flowers or feeling right (or being completely compatible or different or whatever) is the key to love. but let me tell you...it is hard to beat out all the messages people tell you in culture. And we again, often need accountability in these areas. See the truth is guys, marraige isn't about feelings....I know people think that's nessicary..but what's important is the substance..the passion will grow out of that but not visa versa. I conclude not by saying that dating is wrong, but that it does come with it's own challenges and problems and that we NEED to stay accountable. I also come realize that there are some pros to arranged marraiges. Yes they can lead to unhealthy situations especially if the person who is arranging them is not doing so with good intentions. But if my parents were to choose a person they wouldn't choose some abusive guy who was rich but had no character. They would look at my strengths, weaknesses, ethics, dreams and goals and try to match it to a lovely guy...they would be objective enough not to be blind or justify obvious faults. I think we need to see that we don't have THE way without any faults, we have a way with pros and cons just like any other way.

Cruel Words: Sticks and stones x eternity

Before i get into this post, i just want to tell a true story that occurred to my school last year. Somebody phoned the school and threatened to bring harm to the students via a bomb. The whole school had to be evacuated. tests and assignments were moved, and everyone on the street my school is located on had to leave. All this commotion was caused by a couple of words said on a telephone. For the entire day the whole school and everyone who lived on the street was affected, the police was affected, and thousands of dollars worth of tax money was poured into making sure everything was safe (apperantly $250,000 was spent ensuring saftey...and all because of a couple of words). A couple words affected a few thousand people and thousands of dollars.....and of course some of you may have stories that are a lot more dramatic in how words have hurt.

I was reading a book and not surprisingly, I learned many people who committed suicide or developed an eating disorder, was strongly affected by something someone said. An example that comes to mind is a documentary i watched on a girl who got bullied. One day the bully said "I'm going to kill you". It was an empty threat, but the girl took it seriously and decided she'd rather kill herself than be killed by a perpetrator. The girl took her own life. But we don't even have to say "I'm going to kill you", for someone to be so hurt that it could be a straw that broke the camel's back. As I struggled not to relapse into an eating disorder one day, a random guy in the hall came up to me one day and started saying stuff to his buddies. He laughed and said "Look at that chick....she looks stupid AND ugly". Now, I can't say that they were responsible for my relapse, because in the end it was my choice. But i am willing to admit that, it was very hurtful and they probably didn't even know to what degree it was hurtful. And i know i've been on the other end of it too before. :( Not only do words affect and ends lives now, but they have stopped people from coming to Christ, which affects eternal life. Someone i know, had a friend who converted into Christianity. When the friend converted into Christianity , the friend said "God loves me and he doesn't love you because you're not good enough to be saved.". The person i know was so hurt by that, and not only did a friendship end, but years later the friends still has scars upon hearing anything to do with God. I cannot say whether the person would have became a Christian, and maybe God will work a miracle and the person will come to Christ. What I do know, is that, because of something hurtful one person said, the person wants nothing to do with Christians....because the words lead to a misinterpretation of truth. But it should be noted that is not the only spiritual lie we can tell...... I have seen other people say "If you're Christians and you can gossip and spread rumours about that girl over there, i want nothing to do with you or your faith....". We don't have to say something opposite to what's in the Bible, sometimes not speaking and standing up for someone, or speaking rude words, can be just as much of a lie to what the gospel says and just as hurtful. It can do damage eternally....no sticks and stones i know can do that!!

So we see that words are very hurtful.

proverbs 18:21 confirms what we have just said. It says " Death and life are in the power of the tongue...". Suddenly sticks and stones simply breaking bones, seems less harmful than

Okay, so we've established that it's important to use our tongues wisely....but what shall we say then???

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.” (Proverbs 15:1)

“There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health. The truthful lip shall be established forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.” (Proverbs 12:18)

So we should be truthful and we should be loving. :) and from these verses we learn that words can be good.

But how are we to achieve this??

Jesus said, “What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean,’ but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean…But things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man ‘unclean’” (Matthew 15:11,18 NIV). Our words come from our hearts. we need a heart change in order to achieve a tounge that helps promote health and healing. How do we get a heart change??? Look to Jesus and the gospel and what Jesus said. That has the ability to humble and help any of us!

Jesus Jesus be the mirror on our walls, help us see your love for us all

I will never forget a certain chemistry class that took place about a week ago. What was the lesson on? Some equation...I don't really remember which one we were learning about. I only remember that while the teacher was talking, the girl beside me started squeezing the practically non-exsistant fat on her stomach and the tears brimming in her eyes. Besides distaste with herself, she looked completely vacant.

Part way through the period I signed off and went to the bathroom. two girls were standing in the bathroom. Girl A said "_______ doesn't like me. Maybe if I had prettier hair i could get his attention. Maybe I could be someone important if I only looked prettier....". Girl B said "At least you're smart. I suck at Science and no matter how much i study, i just can't get an A. You know how much more my parents and society would think of me if I just had an A in science". Wearily I walked back to class, completely in thought about all of this.

The truth is, we cannot be perfect by ourselves (Romans 3:23) "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". I think that deep down within our very cores, we know that we are not perfect. Deep down most of us hate an aspect (or many) about ourselves because we're aware that we're lacking in some area.

Yet without Jesus our knowledge of truth is extremely limited. The first lie is that by getting a boy's attention,being thinner or "prettier" or getting an A in a subject, you are somehow worth more. Without the deep relationship of Jesus, we often build our mirrors on other people's opinions of us. Yes, it is true, that eating disorders are about control and other things too ( other than just self-hatred). And it is true that good grades can legitmentily be wanted for good reasons (and so long as there is balance in your life, this is good). And being with a guy or girl is not a bad thing in itself. Yet it is undeniable that people spend a lot of time an energy trying to look good to other people. When you want to get into Harvard primarily to impress people and (even worse) you feel like your self worth depends on getting a positive admissions letter back to you, when you feel like your self worth depends on being prettier, smarter, more popular, or being with a certain person- you are cheating yourself in a big lie. The truth is, if you try and impress people by yourself, someone is not going to be impressed and that's going to crush you. If you try and base your self worth on being perfect, you're inevitably going to mess up at some point, and you're going to feel empty. I can, unfortunately say, that I say this is out of experiance (both recently to some degree and in the past it was a major major problem).

Am I saying we have no hope then and that nothing can make us more valuable? Of course not! Genesis 1:27 reads " So God created mankind in his own image,

in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them."

oh how i wish i could have explained to that girl, in the middle of chem class that she had been mad in God's image.

But even more important is this well known verse "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life". That verse is something i've taken for granted. But Romans 5:8 later points out that "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." We didn't deserve Christ's love when he died for us: he loves us unconditionally. We fight so hard for human love and acceptance, but the son of God looks at us with love when we completely reject him. He loves us despite our faults and shortcomings.

He loves us enough to die for us. Oh, how i wish i could have told them all that. "Hey, the son of God died for you, regardless of whether you get an A, or whether that boy likes you, or what hair you have, or how much you weigh!!!!"

People have committed suicide because they feel worthless (because they haven't been liked by others), people have ended up in hospitals for starving themselves, people have wasted years of their lives hating themselves: all because they use the mirror on the wall or other people's opinions as their mirror of self-worth. That path clearly isn't working. We need Jesus to be the mirror on our wall: the mirror of right and wrong, and the mirror of worth. That may sound basic, but in my experience, I have found that living that out takes constantly reading the word, running to him, and prayer for wisdom and strength.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C2o0jHNRuU

I highly recccomend you searching "Beautiful" by mercyme on youtube or buying it, it's a great reminder and has to do with my post!!

Valentine's day- Celebrating the most perfect Love

A lot of people have been asking me how i'm SO content with not having a relationship on valentine's day and how i can look forward to valentine's day SO much when i'm single.......and be dancing around declaring that i'm single and looking forward to that. someone asked me if i really had that bad of a relationship, that now i'm celebrating escaping it. (People have been pointing out that i've been a lot more excited for valentine's day than I've ever been even when i was in a relationship!) It's not that at all! At first i didn't fully know why i was sooo happy!

But then i started thinking about what i was celebrating! and it hit me that my reason for celebrating has completely changed. Up until this year it's always been about celebrating a romantic relationship- and those relationships are special and should be cherished and celebrated. But this year, I'm celebrating something even more than that. I'm celebrating a perfect love. I'm celebrating the fact that God loves us, that Jesus came to die for us all and that he is willing to love us without condition. He is the one person who will never hurt us, but we can still enter a deep realtionship with him. It's so encouraging in a world of people who feel absoulutely useless and worthless, or who feel abandoned by the people who should have held them close: their parents, a close friend etc. to know that God will stand by them. That gives me hope. It means that everyone can encounter an amazing love that has the power to change them and heal them. That is worth celebrating! That's not just me getting a very sweet guy and having a fairly good (but not flawless) relationship with him, that's the world getting a chance to encounter a perfect love that has the power to change their lives! Wow!

St. Valentine was a martyr who was massacred. He died for his faith in God. When i realized this I danced around my room for five minutes. He loved God enough to lay down his life for him. Laying down your life for someone: that's pretty deep love right there. The day signifies something so deep that i totally forgot to think about. Nowadays culture tells us that the most important love is romantic (some people base their purpose on it) and that red roses are the ultimate symbol of love. Both of those things are good things, but the ultimate symbol of love is not chocolates or roses- it's sacrificing for the one you love- the ultimate symbol of love is dying for the one you love. The ultimate symbol of love is the cross. to me valentine's day is a love day, but it's no longer just about roses and chocolates. It's about the sacrifice a martyr made because he knew that God's love was so much bigger and more important than his own life. He knew that God's love was enough to fill the empty voids in not just his heart, but the whole world's . And if i'm ever marrying or seriously dating someone, i'll celebrate the romantic stuff too. none of that is wrong, marraige is a gift from God himself and PLEASE CELEBRATE those relationships too!!

and the great thing about God's love, is that if overfloods us.....when we get a taste of his love we overflow with it and cannot contain it. It has truely taught me how to love others in the truest sense of the word.

valentine's day is often called "single's awareness day" and makes single people feel like losers! You don't have to feel that way! God loves you in unimaginable ways! The God who created the universe loves you! Think about that for a second and let it sink in. It is enough! It is more than enough! Instead of focusing on the crush you have that doesn't like you, focus on the one who loves you more than you could ever imagine or dream of or know. That's why St.Valentine died: he died because he knew that love was so important to the world. Somehow we skip that part because maybe i think our culture's god (or idol) probably is romantic relationships in some ways. but remember at the end of the day, no matter how popular you are or who's abandoned you, Jesus Christ left Heaven came down to an unperfect earth and died for you. St.Valentine knew that was a love worth dying for. And if that's a love worth dying for, it's certainly a love worth celebrating and living for.

It's tough to love your friends sometimes.

Man, this one hardly makes any sence. Let me put it this way: I went through a time where I pushed my friends and family away so I couldn't eat. Instead of relying on God fully, I relyed on sinful ways to "deal" with the pain I went through. Some people told me it was dangerous, but I didn't really care at that point. I didn't stop talking to my aquantances, because I could mask it from them, but I did distance myself from my friends in an attempt to "be free". When I did talk to my friends I didn't really listen to them because I was trying to mask my emotions (this only worked for so long), and when it stopped working I avoided them even more to avoid coments that rooted from their deep worry. Looking back I never hurt people who I didn't care about: I hurt the people who I love, the people who loved me.

I didn't have to wait long- after I started getting closer to God again and reorganizing my life- to understand. It took maybe a couple months. It was slightly scary to see a good friend who has a simular personality to me, go through pretty much the identical thing. It wasn't difficult to love her, I felt deeply concerned for her. It wasn't hard in the "I don't want to love her cause I don't like her" sort of way. It was the, "It hurts a lot to love her, I feel helpless, but I wouldn't change it.".

Funny thing is both situations left me feeling helpless, though I admit in very different ways. What I've come to realize after reflection is that it's nice to be helpless. Okay now you all think I'm crazy. I think it's nice that God controls our lives, and not us. We mess up a whole lot more than God does, and he ususally uses even our mistakes, to benifit somebody in some way later. I have to say that I don't feel this way very often during a conflict. I'll read Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." and be like "Yes God, but you know it is easier when we can see." Jeramiah 29:11 "For I known the plans I have for you", Declares the Lord, "Plans for your welfare, not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope." is comforting. Admittingly all of this is comforting, but it's not easy nor do we tend to remeber it in the midst of a problem.

The thing is there needs to be a balance. It's like if a Christian dies, yeah they're going to Heaven, but you can be sad. Jesus wept. It's okay to be upset. In fact it means that we care (which is a good thing), but we should always have hope. Nothing is too impossible for God. I've scince met a lot of friends who have had really intense stories. Most of those people have recovered and are now using those experiances to help other people. I have a habit of praying (even before a situation comes up) for wisdom, hope, and faith. Sometimes it works.